Hey Old Love

Hi dude, how has life been treating you so far?

It may seem fine since I cant see your scars,

If I tell you my crappy problems would you read?

Cause I'm so done with everyone, I thought you're the person i need.

I'm not here to flirt, your attention is never something i seek,

I just thought you're mature enough,

To help me figure out this phase I'm facing, its really tough.

If you cant its okay 

I wish for you to have a blissful day everyday.

27/1/2015

Past Midnight Thoughts #6

What you have in front of you are always covered up by the things you don't have. And this would always lead to being ungrateful. The times I will be grateful are the times I'm lying down on the ground, the times I see what I have is when I failed to reach the things I don't have. And the analogy goes on. You may be brokem from ex lovers but atleast you have your mom to talk to when you're sad. I may be broken from stupid friendship break ups but I have the ability to write and paint. You see, God is fair. The times I sit on my room floor crying for hours hugging my knees wishing mom would open the door and come to me to give a hug, is the time I know God is calling me to ask from him to lessen my burden. So, thank you my Lord for you have never neglected me even for a second. Even if I have forgotten you for weeks and months.

How To Keep A Friend

I have been screwing up all the good friendship I have so I think I should make a list for myself and update it from time to time so I get to learn from my past mistakes. Indeed, all I'm saying under here is the things I failed to do.

1. When your friend needs someone to talk to, listen. Focus on their words and nothing else no matter what situation you're in. You have no idea what they are going through and how much in pain they could be. Just be there and listen, respond only to not make it awkward but don't go and lecture her if you think its wrong. You can try constructive opinion if what they're doing is not right. Don't go and put more shit upon them and make them suffer more by your words that will only make it harder for them. You are their friend, don't add up the weight on their shoulders.

2. When your friend is sick, and they find you. Take good care of them. It means they don't know who else to find. Sick people are way more sensitive so treat them well. Push away your selfishness, but I hope your friend is quite understanding as well if youre a busy person. But nonetheless, just make sure you don't make them worried about little things because that's what make their sickness worst. This applies to any sick person, not just a friend. Do the things that would only please them. Yes, it means you have to be freaking careful in every single thing you do and watch every move.

3. If they come to you with a mountain of problems and you don't know how to solve it, read. If you can't find any solution that you could help out, again just listen and say the best thing you can to comfort them. Dont freaking go all over the place, to everyone to ask for opinions because you will somehow tell those people your friends problem which I don't think she is comfortable with. They trusts you, don't go and spread her shit to the World. It's not right, don't ask opinions. I mean like you can on certain things and if they allow you to do so, but it's better if you just give your own personal opinion rather than other peoples. If they wanted another person's opinion, they will get it themselves. Don't make yourself feel obliged to freaking solve the problem as if it's mathematics because at the end of the day the decision make is your friend and not you.

4. Don't hang out with the opposition (the person who your friend is obviously not okay with). DONT. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT WOULD DO? You can ask a question or two but not to the extent of being friends and trying to be on both sides at the same time. You are a human being, be the better friend for you friend. You can try and tell them what you think if you feel like the opposite side is the right side but don't go to the other party as if you're betraying you friend. Yes, obviously that's the same as betraying. Don't be stupid. Be there for your friend, not the opposite side. You'll lose everything if you do that. Especially trust.

Past Midnight Thoughts #again

Life is too short to not do crazy stuffs. I have always loved instant decisions. Another reason why I do last minute works, because like you either get it or lose it for the rest of your life. I hate having to think of something for a long time. I hate having something on my mind for too long without it being out. Okay... now I'm over thinking on overthinking. lol. My point is, instant decisions could either make you or break you. And it could change your life a lot in both ways. You might as well regret for not thinking on a decision properly. Well, it depends on situation too.

I made myself happy today, and think I made another 2 friends happy too.

babi lautan

Kurang pada logik
Jika matematik disamakan dengan politik
Kau makan fizik tapi aku makan kritik
Di darat cabarannya ahli genius saikik
Di laut anjing perasuah mistik
Asal yang ditelan engkau masih nasi
Berhentilah berbunyi
Jika mahu ikut yang kiri teruskanlah berbisik
Kanan kata gunakan akalmu yang cerdik.

Long Forgotten Pretty Boy

Hey pretty boy with that sexy jawline
I haven't seen you for a year now
Suddenly came to my mind whether you are fine
It’s been a while since I have thought about you
I guess this is "hye boy, how's your cool?"
Heard your life has been great as ever
I hope your past no longer become your fear
Bet you smile the most when you think of her
Eventhough the idea of her has now become a blur
Life has got it's high and lows
And I know that you're smart so you know
Keep that motivation strong in you
Forget the things that are not true
My last words are probably take care
May you have a better life ahead
May you never have to shed a tear
over the things God put you through that you think you cant bear.

Past Midnight Thoughts #4

Maybe the reason why I don't deserve you is because you have always had my back. You were always there to tell how much I'm worth of a person. You will always highlight to me the good things over the bad ones when I thought I failed. You would always remind me how smart and unique I am. I just realised how much love can do to us. It kept me going, eventhough I never knew it was something. You had never made fun of the things I did, all you see in those brainchilds of mine are the future. All you had was patience and all I had was selfishness. Boy, that was why I wanted you to leave me so badly. You're power but I am toxic. We can never work. When you become fire, I didn't try to put you off. Leaving a fire to burn is as bad as adding petroleum. You worked for yourself, you worked. Everytime it was you, never me. Today, I miss those supportive words you would always give me but I have to face the fact that I was the one who told you to go. Now somebody else is getting all those things I miss, maybe you are giving her more. But it is okay, because she deserves all those things. Unlike me.

Change Is Not Always Good

I used to be a girl who's carefree, because no one was worried about me. I used to trust everyone a lot. I used to tell the World and express myself in every kind of way I could. I used to believe that the harm that the World could offer, wouldn't get to me. I believed that bad people are actually nice people and we have no rights to say that a bad person is trully bad. The World wasn't a cruel place to me and everything happens for a reason. But lately, I've reached up to the point where I don't really want to talk much. Not that I'm quiet, I mean like, I only talk on a basis of just talking and not giving information. I'm starting to hate explaning myself, I'm starting to get tired of people ignoring my efforts to express myself, I'm annoyed by the fact that I'm annoying people. Lately I've been keeping things to myself and it is hard. It makes my family worried that's for sure. I don't tell them about my feelings, about the arguments/fights I get myself into anymore or idk, how my day went. And it's becoming a habit, a bad one I guess. Now that I'm used to it, I keep forgetting to tell my family about where I am or who I'm with or stuffs like that. Like I said, I'm tired of explaning myself. And they're starting to not understand me anymore, I think they are losing trust in me because they feel like I'm doing things that I don't tell. When really, I didn't do anything. They feel like I'm going out with bad people because sometimes I slip out the bad things I just figured out (drugs etc) and they think I revolve around those things. How do I show them that I still the same kiddo they knew? I hate losing my loved one's trusts. It makes me feel like I'm no longer safe to be out there. It makes me feel like i should just stay at home. It makes me feel like I know nothing of the World. It makes me feel like my opinions don't matter. For example, I know a certain thing and I'm sure I've done it quite a few times, but with people around me that keeps doubting what I can say or do, it makes me feel like its better if I don't say a thing. But boy, it always gets me in trouble. Like that one time, I became a shot gun and i knew the road but I have people around me who thinks I don't, so I just kept quiet and let the driver decide instead and we ended up on the wrong road and had to go back to the road that i was very familiar of. Do you get me? I'm too scared of being a dissapointment that I don't trust myself anymore.

You Are My Roller Coaster

I used to wake up to the sound of his giggles
The sound of laughters when he managed to disturb me dreaming of beautiful things that didn't consists of him by his tickles
I used to open my eyes in the morning having blue curvy eyes as the first thing to stare at
Even when it closes sometimes it could still blow away all my mad
I used to wake up to the tingling fingers that danced on my belly
No matter how much I hated mornings he still managed to lighten the weight of the World I kept telling him that its too heavy
I used to wake up being on the higher side of my water bed
Sometimes I even get to see him sad because he woke up all wet
I used to wake up to the smell of the flowers I planted and waited for months and took care of like a baby
Only for him to pluck and put it infront of my face
He sure knew how to play with my feelings
Because everytime he does those little things it had always been so wrong
But it still managed to make me happy
I used to wake up to recordings of The Smiths or the sound of a recorded football game
No matter how much I hated being awake by noises
I still ended up singing along or sitting beside him watching the game
He sure knew how to play with my feelings
Like that one night he blind folded me and played my favourite songs on a headphone so I couldn't see or hear the world and we walked to the restaurant we were supposed to eat dinner
that made me happy and excited and nervous 
the only thing completing me in the dark cold night was his hands
It made me worried when he let go of mine
I thought he let go because we were finally there
But I opened my eyes to see my dead lover
Now I only wake up to the smell of a tragic death of a lover, dying Japanese roses, a dry flat water bed, with some fading smiles of a person who was hit while I was happily singing to our favourite song, a person who never said goodbye, a person who really knows how to play with my feelings.

-

3 hours passed by like 5 seconds
my caramel macchiato was a bit too sweet, it disturbed my ideas from coming out
writing sad broken poems, short stories that has nothing to do with life and death
it made me tear a little
it made my day a little bit gloomy compared to before i stepped into that cafe
and the sky poured out as hard as it could, as if it was enouraging me to curse the pain out in my writings
when the rain stopped, sun was already preparing to set itself
so did I, packed my stuffs and went to the cashier to pay my coffee
it was indeed a 3 hours of sad poems and made up feelings
couldnt even lift a smile
until you said hi
and i felt like an idiot walking out from that cafe
ive never thought Id meet love, after writing heartbreak poems.