For The Sake Of A Blog Post

Hello! I know I haven't been writing for quite some time. Yes, I haven't written anything for so long both in English and Malay. Not sure if its because I'm busy, or I just don't feel like putting my thoughts and feelings into words. Maybe, I can't even find the right things to say.

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of love. Hahaha you are aware that I am a hopeless romantic right? So I think about it quite a lot. Not the feeling, not a person, not how to find a person to love of shit like that. It's the kind of thoughts that you can't really find an answer to it. You see, I have always argued about whether love is something that comes from the heart or the mind.

I had always loved believing that Love comes from the mind, and only the mind. The mind controls what we would feel, what we want to feel that we actually end up feeling, and whether the feeling is a real feeling or mere thoughts and games of the mind.

Nonetheless, I don't deny the truth about it. The truth that love is something that you feel in your heart. Love is something you would do no matter what. Love is sacrifice. I'm not good at stating my thoughts when I'm sitting in the dark on my comfy bed. I always lay out my thoughts better during a conversation at random times.

Note; I like philosophical talks past midnight.

Lately, I've been getting confused again about my feelings despite the fact that I am busy with school. I don't know if this feelings I have is that or not that or maybe that. I hate having to figure out things that are not clear especially when it comes to myself. It is always easier to read people that to understand what the inner you wants. It kills me when I think about it. I makes me feel like, if this small confusion can take up my time and distract my mind as much, how would I deal with more transparent and clear feelings when they come?

It is either overthinking or completely putting it aside. But since it has a relation to love, one of the topics I enjoy thinking of, it actually got to me for a few days. Up to the level that I had to drive myself to Baskin Robins for a Double Scoop Jr to heal myself. Hahaha, I know right. I used to do this everytime I get my heart broken by that specific individual. Lost count on how many times I spent money at BR because of him.

I have seen myself staring at walls for a week, listening to my favourite songs and maximum volume in my car but still not hear it, eating things I love but not tasting it, literally doing everything I love without my heart being there. I hate the feeling honestly.

It's weird that when it's not here, I ask for it because life is dull. However when it comes, man I can't be anymore of an idiot who looks like she just lost a child. No man, don't make me be in that situation again.

I guess that's it. I'm writing this for the sake of having a post on my blog because it feels weird not to post anything since I'm used to do it almost everyday. Ciao

Lipstick Stains

I
Relationship ruiner
Expensive dress
Money stealer
Silicon breasts
Gold digger
Mind, less

II
Social butterfly
Midnight chill
Physical, die
Mental, ill
Beauty can lie
Words can kill

III
Take this gun
Tie a bun
End this hunt
Shoot and run
You're tired and done, Hun
This place can no longer deal with your fun.

1 Like = 1 Unpopular Opinion

 Hye guys, so there was this social game on Twitter that gives you  a chance to speak your opinions based on the likes you get. Somehow, I recieved a few likes on that tweet so I'm going to list it down here and maybe add up on some parts because yknow.. Twitter only allows you to type up to 140 characters. I'm free to crap as much as I want here so here is the list! (Some are really random and lame so let's just go with it okay)

1. A hopeless romantic is not a psychopath, even if they tend to do crazy shit but they do it because they love the idea of it. The love the idea of how love is spread, how it sparks, how it has the power to break you, how it keeps you up at night smiling.

2. 2. If you are already in university and you ditch your friend because you think "she's too loud" or "I never really liked her all the time we've been friends" please go back to highschool. Talking bad about her and ditching her for those small reasons are pretty immature. Talk to each other personally instead for the good of both of you.

3. Sejak kecik I rasa mixed veggies are disgusting. But I am grateful there's food for me so I still eat them eventhough they seriously taste like peti ais.

4. Cursing is fine but if you curse all the time using obnoxious words that makes people uncomfortable, you really need to clean your soul.

5. Everyone has to have savings no matter how broke you are. I am dead serious even 20 cents a day you have to. You never know how/when it could help you. Like for me, when I get my pocket money the first thing I would do is put them in seperate places. This will let you spend a little lesser because you don'tsee the money.

6. Everyone can write cause we all speak but not everyone can paint. Idu how famous ppl get compliments for mixing paint & water on a paper. Trust me it's not even a water colour painting.

7. The best hairstyle for every girl is shoulder length with bangs. Every.

8. It's so in appropriate for girls to take photos with their tongues sticking out. Seriously it is kind of sexual and annoying. But I do it too, sorry im annoying.

9. Crocs are not bad and especially yellow ones they're cool af. Especially when Safiyyah wears them.

10. If you are pretty and you care too much about your looks but you are still a top scorer in your studies but you can't handle life with common sense, you are umm.. still a bimbo.

11. If you travel to nice places/new cities/scenic places, DON'T JUST TAKE A PHOTO WITH A WALL. Unless the wall has awesome stuffs on it. Take photos of the city, the scenery and everything you will never get to see again. You wouldn't care about what shirt you wear or how cute you were when you look back at your travelling photos.

12. People who brag about the stuffs they do/did/doing against their religion, literally brag hm jangan la pls... the only word is stupid. I get that everyone makes mistakes, but if you are proud of yourself for being such a 'rebel' to God then I pray the best for you.

13. Giving compliments doesn't make you a fake person if you don't like the person. Saying nice things to ppl don't mean you like them. It says that you are not an emotional person, it shows that you can still stand on your interests even if someone you really dislike likes it as well. The World is not yours and we don't live forever, say nice things.

14. Whatever happens, no matter how shitty your life is, be grateful if you have your family. Even if they don't show you love, some people don't have what you have.

15. Family stays forever, friends don't. If they do then they're family.

16. Speaking good English with amazing sentence structures does not make you smarter than another. Unless you're in a debate yes omg make sure you kill your opp with cray vocabulary woohooo

17. Everyone should follow @AngstAnguish because it's baby blue in colour like WHO DOESN'T LIKE BLUE. Angst & Anguish Literatures is an English writers collective that mostly prints zines on poetry and shorties.

18. Rezeki comes in many ways. Some ppl get 2 cars and a house w/o a marriage. Some marries at a young age. Some dapat belajar sampai Phd, some dapat all of it but still tak happy. God is fair.

19. I don't care what kind of person you are but if you don't drink water you better start to do so. Drink whatever you want but make sure you drink water, it is very very important.

20. Cara Delevinge tak cantik to me tapi dia sassy so fyeah (meh she's overrated)

21. A school environment do make a difference in a persons life. However, it's not the only factor for you to fail/succeed. It's just 35%. I've been to a private school, International school, government school, tahfiz and boarding school. They all have their pros and cons.

22. 'Love' is an idea that comes from the mind. But if you're lucky, you will feel it in your heart.

23. The more you know someone the less you trust them. The more you know someone the more you trust them.The more you know someone the less you trust them.

24. Every good relationship must be based on friendship. Doesn't matter if it's a family relationship, relationship in between two lovers.

25. The best candy inventions are gummies. All kinds

26. People who over fantasize and obsesses over another person or celebrity who doesn't even know their existence are the real psychos. Meroyan nangis bagai omg so weird.....

27. This opinion was from my dad and I believe in it too. "Taknak pergi sekolah takpe, tak bodoh pun. Asalkan ada ilmu and nakkan ilmu". He said this phrase everytime we dah sampai depan sekolah and I decided to not go to school. He would drive away to get breakfast. His wise words are something I shall always miss.

FORGEITAN DURU

You came into my life

For you to leave me alone and enter hers

As if I'm just a small room in between two bigger rooms

And you will keep coming back

When you need to go back to where you came from

Sometimes you'll even bring her along to your place through me

And do you not know that the doors are not sound proof?

Do you not know it's painful to see?

So I'm just an access for you to get to her?

It's sickening how I'm stuck in between

Without getting the chance to go anywhere

But stuck in the middle of you and her

I’m head over heels for a man whore

Who only treats me as a door

Screw you, barren wanker.

Bonne Nuit

Goodnight
To the voices which became
The berceuse that sent me to sleep

Goodnight
To the voices which whispered
Agony that kept me awake

Goodnight
To the dried up scars on my thighs
That painted my limbs like an abstract

Goodnight
To my two drained pools of lies
That witnessed artifices and fakery

Goodnight
To my broken heart that cracked
In the midst of amity and lust

Goodnight
To my dreams and goals that will
Be buried morrow.

Jade

I kept telling myself I need to get off of reality when scrolling Twitter was all I did

Seeing your name again and again made me believed in fate

I guess you're that kind of guy who knows well on how to choose your date

No, this feeling inside of me is not even close to hate 

That night we last spoke, you're probably living off with the words I last said

Or maybe all this time you had always fancied bimbos with the name Kate?

Now I lie myself down almost all the time of the day in bed

Wondering if she was the one who was fast or I'm the girl who had always been late

Either way, I hope you treat her as precious as Jade

Because if I was the chosen one, that is how I would have treated you babe

And love, would always be the only thing we had made.

Impotent Raft

The river ends somewhere
Whether it is stopped by a random wall of a building
Or it could combine with the sea water somehow at some point
Or even at a dried up end of land
However boy, it is not me who has the power to decide on where the stream flows
Either there's a split path anywhere
How fast it moves
What kind of things that flows with it
It is not me, it is you
I am just a little lost raft going with the flow
If it is my fate that I have to be stuck somewhere
Then it is fine
I am just going with the flow, your flow
You are the river
You have the power.

Hey Old Love

Hi dude, how has life been treating you so far?

It may seem fine since I cant see your scars,

If I tell you my crappy problems would you read?

Cause I'm so done with everyone, I thought you're the person i need.

I'm not here to flirt, your attention is never something i seek,

I just thought you're mature enough,

To help me figure out this phase I'm facing, its really tough.

If you cant its okay 

I wish for you to have a blissful day everyday.

27/1/2015

Past Midnight Thoughts #6

What you have in front of you are always covered up by the things you don't have. And this would always lead to being ungrateful. The times I will be grateful are the times I'm lying down on the ground, the times I see what I have is when I failed to reach the things I don't have. And the analogy goes on. You may be brokem from ex lovers but atleast you have your mom to talk to when you're sad. I may be broken from stupid friendship break ups but I have the ability to write and paint. You see, God is fair. The times I sit on my room floor crying for hours hugging my knees wishing mom would open the door and come to me to give a hug, is the time I know God is calling me to ask from him to lessen my burden. So, thank you my Lord for you have never neglected me even for a second. Even if I have forgotten you for weeks and months.

How To Keep A Friend

I have been screwing up all the good friendship I have so I think I should make a list for myself and update it from time to time so I get to learn from my past mistakes. Indeed, all I'm saying under here is the things I failed to do.

1. When your friend needs someone to talk to, listen. Focus on their words and nothing else no matter what situation you're in. You have no idea what they are going through and how much in pain they could be. Just be there and listen, respond only to not make it awkward but don't go and lecture her if you think its wrong. You can try constructive opinion if what they're doing is not right. Don't go and put more shit upon them and make them suffer more by your words that will only make it harder for them. You are their friend, don't add up the weight on their shoulders.

2. When your friend is sick, and they find you. Take good care of them. It means they don't know who else to find. Sick people are way more sensitive so treat them well. Push away your selfishness, but I hope your friend is quite understanding as well if youre a busy person. But nonetheless, just make sure you don't make them worried about little things because that's what make their sickness worst. This applies to any sick person, not just a friend. Do the things that would only please them. Yes, it means you have to be freaking careful in every single thing you do and watch every move.

3. If they come to you with a mountain of problems and you don't know how to solve it, read. If you can't find any solution that you could help out, again just listen and say the best thing you can to comfort them. Dont freaking go all over the place, to everyone to ask for opinions because you will somehow tell those people your friends problem which I don't think she is comfortable with. They trusts you, don't go and spread her shit to the World. It's not right, don't ask opinions. I mean like you can on certain things and if they allow you to do so, but it's better if you just give your own personal opinion rather than other peoples. If they wanted another person's opinion, they will get it themselves. Don't make yourself feel obliged to freaking solve the problem as if it's mathematics because at the end of the day the decision make is your friend and not you.

4. Don't hang out with the opposition (the person who your friend is obviously not okay with). DONT. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT WOULD DO? You can ask a question or two but not to the extent of being friends and trying to be on both sides at the same time. You are a human being, be the better friend for you friend. You can try and tell them what you think if you feel like the opposite side is the right side but don't go to the other party as if you're betraying you friend. Yes, obviously that's the same as betraying. Don't be stupid. Be there for your friend, not the opposite side. You'll lose everything if you do that. Especially trust.