my vulnerable heart

BOY, I HATE YOU

I hate it when you make that sound everytime you imitate anything I say.

I hate when you piss me off and then stare deeply in my eyes.

I hate when you stop me from walking away eventhough you know I really don’t want to see your face.

I hate when you point out my flaws everytime youre angry at me.

I hate that evrey single thing you pointed out was actually for my own good.

I hate the fact that I can never win over you in any of our arguments.

I hate that im the one who do the talking and asking questions when we see each other and youre just there looking at my face.

I hate that you can control my emotions and actions just because you disagree.

I hate when I thought I moved on, but when I see your face or hear your name I realise nothing has changed.

I hate that I believe in you, I hate that Im really sure one fine day youre gonna be proud of yourself. Everything will pay off soon darling, youre amazing and I hate that.

I hate that I hate you so much until I can write a book about you, I hate you.

my song

If you were a scenery, I would drive miles to have that awe-inspiring feeling watching you.

If you were a flower, you would be that favourite of mine that I will buy a bouquet every Wednesday.

If you were a river, I would swim and stay in the water until I get wrinkly fingers and shivery lips.

If you were the sun, I would be by the beach every morning and evening just to watch you rise and leave.

If you were edible, I would have you everyday every meal feeling like youre the best thing  have ever tasted in my whole life.

If were my bed and blanket, I would curl myself up in you and never want to get out.

If you were a bracelet, I will have you on my hand always and even if one day you break I would pay just to fix you.

If you were a painting on canvas, I would put you on the wall facing my bed so I get to look at you everytime I wake up and everytime before I go to sleep.

And my darling, if you were a song I would sing you and have you stuck in my head forever.

Just like how you do now.

DEAR FRIEND, PLEASE?

One person comes, another will leave.

It really is normal, to sometimes be decieved.
Today, we might be closer than a stem to its leaf.
But tomorrow, after getting what you wanted to achieve,
You will be gone elsewhere, im sure thats what i believe.

One day when we are back to being strangers and you walk pass by me,
Please dont remind me of the scars i used to have on my knees.
Because my trust have grown quite a lot in you today,
I hope dont point them out after all i have showed you, is that okay?

I hope you dont use all the weakness i opened up to you to someday go againts me,
Because babe, we all know this world is such a cruel place to be.

Originally handwritten for Irfan Fawwaz

ARTIST

Yesterday I thought you were everything I needed,

Today I realised all those thing was just something I made up.

Tomorrow ill be writing I Love You again,

Because I think I have really gone insane.

Since forever

You’ve been here in my heart

Not as a lover

Not as a friend

But a stranger I have been longing to explore.

Mystery the moon

A round light that shines the darkness of the night

I stared for hours

As comets pass by to put a show in the sky.

Is this kind of life do you really wish to live?

Quiet, is that what you always choose to be?

Maybe you will love me back maybe not?

And one day I hope you do realise that you are a work of art.

Lost in a mind of an artist.

BESTFRIENDS

First day i saw you, you came in our class with your model like walk and your school bag that seemed like a businessmans briefcase and your shining shoes. Oh boy! you were only a boy who just turned 14 a few months ago. First impression, hes gonna be a successful business man. So we were classmates. You started to hate the small things in me that nobody would realise. Annoying me with your sound is like, a routine. You never want to lose at every fight we had, neverrr. Day by day, i started to hate you more and more. I hated u until i realised that my feelings towards you were starting to change.

I saw you walk in the surau during our buka puasa day looking so humble and pious. Felt so calm that i said to myself "damn im falling for this guy"

Couldnt sleep that night trying to figure out if the feeling is for real or its just a lame joke my brain makes sometimes. So, i decided to text my guy besfriend telling him about this confusion im having.

The following night, couldnt sleep again since my bro gave me an unknown content drink. He dissolved some Energizing pills maybe? *Beep beep* i recieved a text, believe me not its you! I almost threw my phone away for being so shocked.

"hey lucy, im here to say sorry for bogging your life. For annoying you. I cant sleep thinking of you all night so i decided to text you and say sorry"

'wow! This is so not you! Is this planned? Are u setting up a plan to bring me down?'

"hell no! This is really me. Im not always the bad guy u know"

'well, what a surprise! Im still so shocked my heart is beating extremely fast. Weird that i was thinking of u all night too'

"woaaaah, dejavu! Maybe we should talk abt this face to face. See u on monday. I need some rest, goodnight. Love chu! <3"

'ill wait, night <3'

That added to the activation pills my bro gave me earlier. I didnt sleep through out the night. Still couldnt believe what i recieved.

Monday; he didnt come to see me or anything. We were in the same class yeah. Except that he didnt annoy me anymore. Weeks past, nope still like that. he forgot? Maybe.

One day, he started up a fight i couldnt remember about what. He said im pathetic and stupid and shameless. Wtf is wrong with this guy? Seriously? The only thing i could say was "youre even more pathetic for falling for somebody as pathetic as i am"

Minutes later, on twitter i saw his tweet to my bestfriend saying "EY SON OF BITCH. FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHOLE BLOOD RELATIONS FOR USING MY PHONE THAT NIGHT WHILE I WAS SLEEPING"

EXPIRED

If you think you’re prettier than me, it is obvious.

If you think you’re smarter than me, I am aware.

If you think you get his attention more than me, you once did.

If you think you understand him better, of course.

If you think you guys are good together, you guys were.

If you think he loves you more than me, once upon a time.

Im just working my part and you’ve past yours.

Back off.

amour

Ive been thinking a lot lately,

While you’ve been very very heartbroken,

It is painful for me to see,

So I hope this would make you a little enlightened.

This bunch I wrote is for you to read,

Its not about dragons never about mummies,

If I were to count the pages it would be more than a hundred,

The only thing you should know, is that youre the hero to these stories.

I beg from you a minute or two,

Can you please read these lines I wrote about you,

I know im nothing in your eyes,

But im sure after reading this, you will compromise.

Remember once you had a lady?

I remember how you smiled and laughed daily.

And then she left you all day crying,

If I could hug you, I would my darling.

Im not sure if you remember how much we hated each other,

But those moments, were the ones that made me fell harder.

Im not sure if you remember how we were suddenly close,

But those days, were the ones that made me felt a big lost.

If you may,

Please accept this gift from me to you?

I just hope one day,

I will forever forget everything about you.

P/s: theres a lot more i wrote, but nah

spam

i forgot about the existence of this blog. so usually i just write my stuffs at microsoft word and save it in my hard disk. so behold, a wave of posts are coming t flood your way.