For The Sake Of A Blog Post

Hello! I know I haven't been writing for quite some time. Yes, I haven't written anything for so long both in English and Malay. Not sure if its because I'm busy, or I just don't feel like putting my thoughts and feelings into words. Maybe, I can't even find the right things to say.

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of love. Hahaha you are aware that I am a hopeless romantic right? So I think about it quite a lot. Not the feeling, not a person, not how to find a person to love of shit like that. It's the kind of thoughts that you can't really find an answer to it. You see, I have always argued about whether love is something that comes from the heart or the mind.

I had always loved believing that Love comes from the mind, and only the mind. The mind controls what we would feel, what we want to feel that we actually end up feeling, and whether the feeling is a real feeling or mere thoughts and games of the mind.

Nonetheless, I don't deny the truth about it. The truth that love is something that you feel in your heart. Love is something you would do no matter what. Love is sacrifice. I'm not good at stating my thoughts when I'm sitting in the dark on my comfy bed. I always lay out my thoughts better during a conversation at random times.

Note; I like philosophical talks past midnight.

Lately, I've been getting confused again about my feelings despite the fact that I am busy with school. I don't know if this feelings I have is that or not that or maybe that. I hate having to figure out things that are not clear especially when it comes to myself. It is always easier to read people that to understand what the inner you wants. It kills me when I think about it. I makes me feel like, if this small confusion can take up my time and distract my mind as much, how would I deal with more transparent and clear feelings when they come?

It is either overthinking or completely putting it aside. But since it has a relation to love, one of the topics I enjoy thinking of, it actually got to me for a few days. Up to the level that I had to drive myself to Baskin Robins for a Double Scoop Jr to heal myself. Hahaha, I know right. I used to do this everytime I get my heart broken by that specific individual. Lost count on how many times I spent money at BR because of him.

I have seen myself staring at walls for a week, listening to my favourite songs and maximum volume in my car but still not hear it, eating things I love but not tasting it, literally doing everything I love without my heart being there. I hate the feeling honestly.

It's weird that when it's not here, I ask for it because life is dull. However when it comes, man I can't be anymore of an idiot who looks like she just lost a child. No man, don't make me be in that situation again.

I guess that's it. I'm writing this for the sake of having a post on my blog because it feels weird not to post anything since I'm used to do it almost everyday. Ciao

Lipstick Stains

I
Relationship ruiner
Expensive dress
Money stealer
Silicon breasts
Gold digger
Mind, less

II
Social butterfly
Midnight chill
Physical, die
Mental, ill
Beauty can lie
Words can kill

III
Take this gun
Tie a bun
End this hunt
Shoot and run
You're tired and done, Hun
This place can no longer deal with your fun.