THIRTEEN

Things I learnt before turning 19;

1. Every single plan He made for us, is always the best.

2. He will take away your loved ones, only for you to meet better people.

3. It is okay to be an independent or unfriendly lady.

4. Some love stories are made up of people's expectations.

5 & 6. You might still be sticking on your 'dream guy' thing even though you know it's impossible. A guy who fell in love with me who had all the criteria of my 'dream guy' is not even what I wanted.

7. You will ditch and get ditched by your best friends and it will break you heart more than any other break ups.

8. You have only seen 0.2% of the World, we shouldn't really be ignorant towards someone older.

9. It is too early to give up on life, find something you love. If you used to be good at painting but then you meet people who are better than you, don't feel bad. Feel happy for them. You either practice to become as good as them or find something else that you love doing. (Like me, I was suddenly reading and writing awful poems)

10. Love yourself no matter what happens, love every inch of yourself.

11. Family matters. It's okay to have a crappy family, make sure you at least save a little space in your heart for them.

12. When you think of being 70 years old, you'll realise that you would probably only remember a second of this whole teenage thing.

13. Smile always, it makes people feel better.

Indecisive (1st version)

I am extremely indecisive 
I want to be a veterinarian 
I want to read law
And read minds
And make art
I love being loud
And expressive
I love meeting people
And driving alone at 3 am
I love being all by myself in the sound of birds chirping
And waves hitting the shore past midnight
And fan spinning
I adore people who can talk about politics
And paintings of elephants
And dragons singing to The Kooks
I adore people who is quiet
And calm 
And peaceful
I want to be everything that the World has to offer
I want to eat mouldy breads
Raw octopus 
Being a gastronomist who defines taste precisely
I want to eat home made over baked fudge brownies
Expensive custom made sauces from 1000 spices
I want to explore cultures by mouth and hand
I want to watch the same sun
Rise and fall
From every angle there is
I want to swim the same sea
From different countries
I want to do the World
Step by step
Alone.

Move On

Whatever happens in life
Whether you are a person who is strong at heart
Or muscular physically
Whether you are fragile when it comes to your love ones
Or you're the strength of your family
You've got to get used to letting go
Let go
Of the people you love for them to love
Let go
Of the people you love for them to be in a better place
Let go
A part of you that will never come back
Let go
Even if it still hurts when you're 45
Let go

You will be fine.

Orison

To the two angels who got the chance to bring me to this World
A woman who fed me healthiness only a mother could
A hero who taught me that life is more than just wealth
Life is all about silly faces and the sound of waves
To the both of them loves that was present during my childhood days
The beloved and missed most
I beg to the One who allowed you two to have me and those before me
For your burdens lessened 
Your sins blinded
Forgiveness all yours to have
Best of heavens the place for you precious.
InshaAllah, ameen.

Papa (Part 1)

Hello, I know I don't post much about my personal life here. Honestly I'm not good at writing blogs so for me to commit to one is to only write poems. Hahaha, most of my rants are on Twitter a.k.a my public diary [if you haven't followed yet, it's @isafiqah]. I just registered for degree. Yay, I am officially a law school student????? Haha not quite sure if that’s an exciting news or not. However, that is not what I am going to write about. I am going to write about my dad who passed away in 2006, when I was only in Primary 5. I don't talk much about my parents to people around me because I don't really like to do so. Only if they asked. The only thing you need to know is that I grew up in a beautiful family. Alhamdulillah for that, there's no greater blessing I wish to have.

Back to my beloved late father. His name was Mohammed Isa bin Mohd Arshad. He came from a kampung-KL kind of family, Hulu Kelang to be exact. My father was a very cheerful guy, always making faces always scaring off my friends with his weird jokes. I was closer to him compared to my mother (before he passed away) because my mother was a bit busier that my father. He used to fetch me after school really early only to drag me along with to pay bills and service our car ending up that I will always reach home at Maghrib jugak at the end of the day. Haha he was also a fan of movies so after school memang selalu tengok wayang pakai baju sekolah. He loved all kinds of movies, but mostly action movies like Chinese hustles or perang-perang kind of stuff. Oh yea, not to forget he bought all the Hindustan DVDs for us to watch at home. Sadly, not much that I can recall though. But for sure, I was his bestfriend. And our cat which died when I was 13, named Cat. Hahaha, or better known as Aficat because we were born in the same year.

I remember one time, he fetched me at school and he told me to look at the back seat (yang paling belakang, we used to have Kia Carens). So I literally jumped to the back because I was still tiny kan that time, to find a two-tyred bike! You have no idea how happy I was because all my friends started to naik basikal earlier than me. I was 8 that time. 1 because I didn't have a bike, 2 because I had roller blades and 3 because I loved swimming more than anything else. But since we moved to an area yang dah takde swimming pool, maybe that's why he bought me one. God it's so sad to think of it because I am not a person who really asks for stuffs because I prefer time spent together than materials. So yea, balik tu he taught me to ride the bike. It was okay awal-awal because I already got how to cycle. Suddenly I was heading down a bukit depan our housing area and worst part is that he forgot to teach me how to use the brakes!! Haha I wasn't so scared though, but to think of being a dad I bet he was soooo so worried sebab there was a big longkang down the hill. My father literally ran down, with both hands kedepan to stop the bike. Hahaha So that’s basically it for this part.

My beloved, missed, father was also a morning person. Totally my opposite. I love the idea of mornings, but I'm not motivated enough to wake up everyday because ill always end up enjoying the long night that I cannot get up the next morning. But my dad would wake us up with his tongkat or whatever ways that will annoy you. Haha most of the time he’ll just pull our toes. For subuh, and also sunrises! yaAllah, I love sunrises so much because the feeling it gives me never changes dari my dad was still around. My dad was a big fan of sunrises. He would drive or walk us idk to random places just for the sake of it. And he takes great photos too, since he used to have a Nikon and Kodak. He was also a nature person, randomly ajak pergi mandi sungai or mandi laut or camping at random places. (Papa Adik misses you so much :( especially when I'm watching amazing nature views.) Sometimes it's just the two of us because everyone else asrama or uni. Later when I have time I'll scan the scenery photos yang diambil oleh my father. No filter needed!!

I have a lottttttttttt more to talk about him. But I think I'm gonna do a part 2 for this. Some clues; train rides, historical places, food!!!, and Kuala Lumpur.

Nothing

And so I forgot how to write love poems
I forgot how to write angry poems
I forgot how to write those poems 
Ones we write when we are feeling blue
I forgot that some days will be stormy
It will take away every memory
Making them all being forgotten
I forgot how to write bubbly poems
And all kinds of poems listed under poetry
I forgot that when someone leaves
Letting go is the only option we need
When there is nothing left on due
Only nothing is left for me
What more for you.

Cracks

Better life ahead for you
My existence will never bring peace
May those broken parts be rectified
By those not of my territory
Probably ones in the East.