ORGANS

The words “lost” and “empty” could conclude what I felt the night you left. However precisely, I couldn’t sleep. For two weeks, my eyes was closed at night but my heart felt like it was too heavy to pump itself. Like when your knees dislocate but you still have to continue running. That was how painful it was for my heart to beat normally. Every single breath I took felt so poisonous. As if the air particles was larger than usual, it suffocates me slowly. My skin would refuse to accept the cold shower I crave everyday as if my whole body is covered with a thick layer of oil. Water keeps flowing but it makes no difference. My brain wouldn’t relax itself, it keeps reminding me of the things we did together like an old tape player replaying and rewinding certain scenes. My brain was blaming me. It blamed my lips for not kissing you right, my hands for not holding yours tight, when really, you can’t imagine the amount of love I have been trying to hide. I can’t really do anything when you left babe. Even my organs seemed like it hated me so much that I had to throw up my breakfast, lunch and dinner for quite some time. I don’t even deserve to have a sip of water for losing you. Worst, even when you came back to say hi, it couldn’t remove the hatred my insides have upon me. It would just make the muscles work a smile on my face.

Thank you, very much for leaving. Now I can never feel myself the same again.