Bag of Nothingness

Hello, I know it has been forever. Like, literally. Or maybe not. I don't know, you tell me.

Life, generally has been a thrilling roller coaster for me. Some days I'm just so quiet, some days I cry, and some of course I am the cheerful Afiqah. Basically, I am so alone I no longer know how not to be.

I have repeatedly been saying to the people around me, or write on my tumblr, or anywhere else that I have found peace distancing myself from people. Lots of people. People who I care about, people I do not care about, people I have been wanting to avoid since forever. People, besides my family. Trust me, I no longer make time for anyone, even the people who I used to drive an extra mile just to have a glass of teh tarik with twice a week.

Maybe I did find peace, but I have a feeling like it is taking my soul away. I am somehow losing touch from the person I actually am. It's kinda scary, getting used to being empty. I used to define empty by being content. Meaning to say that I have no worries because everything seems to fall in place perfectly that I need to find something new to think of. This time, it's pretty odd. I don't think of anything, I feel like I no longer have feelings.

However, I gotta admit that I am somehow a cry baby lately. I break down to pieces so easily and I think it is because I am not living enough. It could be because I keep so many things to myself, it is because I don't wake up with excitement of a new day. I am empty.

This whole idea of emptiness is slowly eating me and my soul up, I mean like I choose to be away from so many things I end up having nothing at all. I allow myself to break down so easily, that I no longer know how to hold myself together. I wish I had a little more passion in me, maybe it will come back soon when school reopens. Or I probably have to make a new me to begin with.

I lost it all, I broke my own heart by failing a few stuffs terribly. Failing in school, failing in friendship, failing in general. I hate this whole idea of me focusing on all the shit reasons to feel shit, I wanna have the drive to do things.

Anyway, I just want to say that I miss everything and everyone. Say hi if you see me, because I might be too blinded walking through the road not seeing anything else besides going to a place where I can be alone again. Who knows you might give me the spark that I have been missing this whole time.

Bubye.