DICE

This is the rational Afiqah speaking. Not the insecure Afiqah, not the philosophical deep thinking Afiqah, not the emotional hopeless romantic Afiqah, not the crazy hyper annoying Afiqah too. Okay fine, this is Afiqah speaking.

The same old Afiqah, still gonna talk about friendships. Last time I checked I was curling myself in bed thinking of the good moments I had with those friends I used to hang out with. Yes, those friends who were with me in the morning to laugh during breakfast, the friends who laughed with me in class, when walking to class, in the evening eating ABC or having early dinner at a random stall. It was never anything fancy. We have always reserved the fancy stuffs for our other friends or family. I like realness.

I don't know if I'm putting it in my own definition or its really it, but the realness I'm saying here is talking to one another and being honest in everything and sharing the same lame joke nobody else would understand. Laughing at the world while they're judging us. Laughing at ourselves. Talking to each other on serious matters to the tiniest bits. I was reminiscing those moment. Wrapping my hands around myself lying in my bed in a dark room where everthing else shuts itself.

My mind was wandering to the good times, searching where it went wrong, questioning myself why I'm punished in that way. I forgot that He has better plans. Now, I'm happy again,  living my life again, doing the little things that makes me happy again except with different people. Maybe better friends, or maybe equal in the ways I can't put an equation to. Real friends has always put a smile on my face and as much as I seem like I don't care about anyone, I CARE A LOT ABOUT MY FRIENDS. i realised that when they were taken away from me. Man, I was like a person who had a blank mind. No motives, no senses, I couldn't even feel myself.

How dare I doubted You my Lord, how could I? How can I forget the quote I have always held on; everything happens for a reason. But thank you dear Almighty, for giving me healthy people in my life. For showing me how beautiful a person could be, and how a person could click so well with me. Like wow, being patient was worth every bit.

Aaaaaand besides the above self check, I'm just here to say that I've grown up into a new person, like seriously man. When I look back to my past photos it makes me sad because I used to be very very very carefree, and all the other sides I mentioned above rarely showed itself. But now I'm everything all at once. I don't really have anything to say honestly. Just wanna say Hi to the younger version Afiqah, just wanna tell her how far she has gone and how much of the things she loves she's already doing. How many good people she has in her life and life is kinda great now, but ordinary I guess. Nothing special. Just... life?