Goals

Goals or in other words, things you want to achieve in life. Some people also call it 'bucketlist'. It could be something to achieve tomorrow or something in 10 years time. It could be about buying your dream car, house, going to your dream holiday spots or it could just be losing 1kg or writing a story. 

The stereotype of the World in achieving success if either on money or happiness. The meter is subjective but it is still somehow viewed in the same perspective or the same direction at the end of the day. Some people might congratulate another for having lots of money or getting a doctorate in a crazy field or most probably having a life that seems to be 'perfect'. 

However, the word perfect itself is not perfect. Trying to be perfect also needs flaws and breakdowns. Going to the idea of perfect would take up lots of sacrifices and efforts and determination and positivity and all the good things one could think of. 

As for people my age, or maybe the ones who are quite in the same situation as I am; which is studying in Law School and trying to figure what my future is all about, the would probably have goals such as being a Lawyer, an advocate or a judge or anything around there. Or some would imagine themselves being hell of a rich person spoiling themselves and their loved ones and the list goes on. But in achieving those things, they would most probably study their ass off and join as much as activities that could lead them to that goal. 

Me, on the otherhand is still on a string that leads to a blurry picture of my future which I don't really want to have an idea of? I am not a person who has big goals, because I can't seem to draw a mind map or a route in my mind to how it would make me happy.

My ultimate goal in my life is to be happy, as cliche as it sounds. Yes, ofcourse I want good grades and graduate Law School and make my family proud of me by my good grades I guess? and by getting those good grades, could also promise me a good place to work in the future. But, I dont want to study  for that only. I love going to class and listening to lectures and reading books and the selfish part of me wants every single knowledge that the World could offer. 

I used to have this conversation with my cousin when I was 16 years old and she was around 22 if I'm not mistaken. I asked her "why do you study and go to class?" and she said "to get good grades and graduate as an excellent student" and she asked me back the same question. I answered "ever since I was small, the only reason for me to go to school is to gain knowledge. Not even to get good grades because I hate the fact that I have to know something only according to an answer scheme and if I don't answer what it wants, I'll fail. And probably thats the reason for me getting not so excellent results. I love studying, no kidding. I just dont see the relevance of not having a life by studying."

Well, that was a 16 year old me speaking. My cousin even laughed at me and said "itu lagi la takde hala tuju". It is kinda true though. I dont really know the point of me writing this post. But I'm just trying to say that I am a person who loves knowledge and arts and people. And by occupying myself with all those things, it would make me happy.

But you know what they always say, that not everything you love is good for you. And I think the thing I don't really fancy is focusing on one thing. Because like I said previously, I want to know everything. My life could be closely related to the idiom 'jack of all trades, master of none'. 

I love the little things in life, making people happy by little things and never big things. I like the idea of living the moment because by doing so, it will make you live well. And it would make you aware of every single thing that is happening to you and the idea of looking back is what makes me realise how far I have gone and how much I have changed. 

Different people have different ways of achieving their goals, and probably this is mine.

I want to be a good poet, not a famous one. I want my children and friends to read my poetry. I want strangers to relate to my writings. I don't want publicity, I want authenticity.

I want to be a knowledgeable person, I want to learn the law. I want to apply it to my life and help people understand it. I want my family to be proud of their little Afiqah who can tell them things they have no idea of.

I want to paint waterfalls and make clay art and all the other arts I haven't explored. I want to give the World a little gift by expressing myself. I want to make abstract paintings and give it to my loved ones and people I appreciate.

I want to be happy. I want to be a good muslim. I want to be the best of myself. 

I am not impressed by money, I am not impressed by looks, I am not impressed by intelligence. But I'd love if you share with me a part of your life and ideas and thoughts on how amazing the World is. 

As much as we all know that absolute happiness in the World is impossible and violence and massacre would go on and on until the end of time, I hope I get the chance to change this place into a better one. I hope that more people would show kindness and love and authenticity. 

Sorry if this leads to nowhere, but I guess I finally managed to put bits of my weird-illogical thoughts that I always keep to myself into a blog post. 

Ciao, you are pleased to differ from my ideas because truly, my mind and maturity changes through time. And I'd love to expand and explore more of people.