What Should And Should Not Happen

I will walk away from you now, for good. I will call just to see you for one last time and I will kiss your precious hands goodbye. I might cry and I might not, I hope you won't. I will feel like I'm carrying the whole World on my shoulders but it will not stop me from leaving the existence of you. I will turn around to check on you after a few steps, but I will not stop and run back into you. I will move on and I will be confused with all the things I feel. I will sit at home alone quietly for days and I will consume a little too many coffee. I will be having a hard time moving, or even feel myself. My mind would be blank for days, and all I can ever do is become mindless and heartless. No music will mend my heartache, nor a good tub of chocolate ice cream. I would crave driving late at night and breathe in the cold night breeze but I will not be able to do that because I can't even move myself to the toilet. Showers won't clean the shit feeling out of me, comfort food won't fill the emptiness I have inside, nor can a hug can cure a wrecked soul like mine. I would feel like the biggest fool the World has ever witnessed, that no achievement in life can make me feel a little less burdened.

Separation is supposed to be as painful as this, it should make me feel lost. Separation is supposed to tell me that I have let go of something I should have kept safe in my arms until the end of time. Separation was supposed to remind me that life is more beautiful if I didn't decide to fuck up with people's heart and mind. Departure was supposed to kill me inside out, it was supposed to tell me that I am nothing without them. Departure was supposed to be all about swollen eyes and promises of the intention of future unity. Departure wasn't supposed to feel easy and egoistic, nor should it make me drown is my own selfishness. Leaving and chasing out people from life wasn't supposed to be one-sided glory. It was supposed to make my heart burst and break, not stronger and confident.

Sadly, it had always been the latter. So what do I do now? Continue being an ass to some, and put down realness in my stories instead? Maybe, maybe.